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Where the Ocean Lies is a roleplay based off the Erin Hunter series, 'Warrior Cats'
 
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 brindlestar of windclan

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Cloudy
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PostSubject: brindlestar of windclan   Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:58 pm


[name]
brindlestar
lily after her cream and gray patched tabby pelt.
-patch after the patchy texture of her fur.

[formerly: brindlepatch, lilypaw, lilykit]
[age]
approx. 38 moons
[gender]
cisgendered female she cat
[clan]
windclan
[rank]
leader
[formerly: deputy, warrior, apprentice, kit.]
[sexuality]
heterosexual panromantic
[pronouns]
she, her, they, them.
[personality]
brindlestar is a gentle, kind soul, but with a fierce reputation. she's easily short tempered, but holds a calm interface of things. not the peacefulest molly, but will if its for the good of her clan, she will do peace. she's a kind and motherly molly, and is very gentle to the youngest kit, and the crankiest elder. but, brindlestar is quite fierce in battle, and has a quickest temper that most would not want to deal with. overall, she's a kind, motherly, but fierce leader with a proud look to her clan.
[appearance]
a tall, cream, white, and gray furred patched tabby she cat with a white chest, and pale, green eyes. brindlestar is a very lean, swift footed, and muscular molly. her fur is quite soft, medium furred, but rough in some parts of her body. her ears slanted, and quite large, almost lynx shaped, and have small nicks on both of them. her eyes are a pale, grass green, holding a fierce, and kind gaze.

[ breed ]
american curl, european shorthair, serengeti.
[ brief description ]
a cream and white patched tabby with pale green eyes.
[ family ]
[mother]
poppydawn - a white and gray dappled
she cat with milky blue eyes.
[father]
clawfang - a cream patched tabby
with pale green eyes.
[ dead ]
[siblings]
gorse - a gray and white tom
with pale blue eyes.
daisyspark - an entergetic, cream furred
she cat with pale blue green eyes.
jaykit - a small, gray and cream tabby
she cat with pale amber eyes.
[ dead ]
[skills]
fighting [9/10]
hunting [8/10]
swimming [4/10]
running [10/10]
climbing [6/10]
herbs [5/10]
memory [7/10]
logic [7/10]
stamina [6/10]
[other]
. she doesn't really like thunderclan,
   pretty neutral though.
. her relationship with her brother is
complicated, very complicated.
. brindlestar is very close to her family,
  except her brother.
. star doesn't like being leader
all that much, but she doesn't show it,
pride hides the wounds of the past well.
[history]
brindlestar, brindlekit back then, was born to poppydawn, and clawfang of windclan. her childhood was fairly okay, her mother letting her out most of her days as a kit, but one day, thunderclan attacked the camp, and her sibling, jaykit, was killed in the battle, accidently. full of grief, her mother, became somewhat distant, and easily emotional, as any mother would. brindlekit was hit hard aswell, being very close to her younger sibling, and protecting her from bullies. but, it didn't stop her from trying to act positive, and tried to cheer her mother up, with her sister, daisykit. gorsekit wasn't as close to jaykit, so he didn't really care about the change. soon, brindlekit and her siblings became apprentices. gorsepaw avoided brindlepaw and daisypaw, for unknown reason, they tried to talk to him, but he pretended they weren't their. determined to get gorsepaw to talk to her, she decided to come face to face with her brother. outraged, gorsepaw yelled at her, telling her that he was leaving the clan, he didn't get any attention, and left the clan, deciding it was the best. confusion set in her mind the rest of her apprenticeship, and one gathering she found out he became a rogue, but was still in the area. this outraged her, but she didn't want to cause anymore harm in their relationship so she avoided him at all costs. windclan, outraged at the death of the poor kit, ambushed thunderclan, but, clawfang, her father, was killed in the battle, hatred for thunderclan began to build up inside poor brindlepaw, and soon, she and her sister, became warriors: brindlepatch and daisyspark. her warriorhood was a bit tough, having to deal with going on patrols every single day. brindlepatch soon became a mentor to an easy going apprentice named yellowpaw. brindlepatch had a tough time dealing with his troublemaking ways, and had to be quite strict with him, but thought he was a good apprentice. during one leafbare, greencough swept through the clan, ultimately killing the clan deputy, and her mother. brindlepatch was named deputy, which, surprised her greatly. all the hardsteps she face through her life, swiftstar thought the molly ultimately deserved it. brindlepatch, really didn't know if she could be as great as the old deputy, but she thought is was worth the try. many moons after, a few badgers attacked the clan, resulting in swiftstar dying, his last life over. anger and grief for her mother rose in the molly, and she threw herself at the badger, and soon, the badgers finally retreated. and soon, brindlepatch became brindlestar, hardships crushed her greatly, but she had to pull through, no matter the costs.
[ the history was a bit rushed, and honestly, I don't like how it turned out all that much. ]


Last edited by Cloudy on Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:26 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : fixing a few things)
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PostSubject: Re: brindlestar of windclan   Tue Jan 03, 2017 10:05 am

It looks good, but there a few things that should be changed.

a) You'll have to change her prefix because the latest leader before her was called Lilystar, so two Lilystars in a row wouldn't make much sense.
c) She has too over-powered skills. Two 8/10's, two 9/10's and 10/10. I'd like to see them lowered and only one 9/10 or 10/10 left. Basically, she needs more weaknesses.
b) Thunderclan wouldn't attack Windclan three times in a row for no reason. They'd have to have a good reason, either Windclan attacked Thunderclan multiple times as well or Thunderclan only attacked once. If you're looking for ways to kill cats in the history, many other ways work that don't interfere with the plot. As in, dog attacks, foxes, badgers, drowning, sicknesses, falling down a cliff, etc.
c) Swiftstar in the history should be changed to Lilystar since that was the leader before your cat now.

And you'll be good after fixing those things. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: brindlestar of windclan   Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:49 pm

- changed name to brindlestar
- changed the skills
- changed the history
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PostSubject: Re: brindlestar of windclan   Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:25 am

All good, but please lower the hunting or running down. You can only have one "9/10-10/10"
 
Here's the skills worst to best :
0,1 (really bad), 2,3 (below average) 4,5,6 (average), 7,8 (above average), 9,10 (almost perfect)
You should atleast have one or two below average. Only one "almost perfect" is aloud and only one "above average" is aloud. The rest can be average or below average.
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PostSubject: Re: brindlestar of windclan   Fri Jan 27, 2017 1:40 pm

- changed the skills
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PostSubject: Re: brindlestar of windclan   Fri Jan 27, 2017 3:53 pm

  She looks beautiful haha Smile
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